Stop that awful [b]racket!

More brackets!

Just when you thought you’d had enough bracket fungi, I give you more! Mwahahaha.

Actually, I’m just calling any stemless fungus that grows from a tree “bracket fungus” now. I don’t know how accurate that is.

Regardless, {enjoy my brackets.}

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33 Comments to “Stop that awful [b]racket!”

  1. Looks like bracket fungus to me, but I have no claim to expert status.

  2. Just when I thought I was out, they start to leaven!

  3. “Say hello to my little friend; he’s a mycelium.”

  4. “You only exist out here because of ME. And because of the appropriate levels of moisture.”

  5. Take the bracket, leave the shroom.

  6. I knew they were cops. If they had been pigs, I wouldn’t have heard a thing; I’d be a truffle now.

  7. You learn two things in life. Never rat on your friends, and never eat an Amanita phalloides.

  8. What were they gonna do? Trouble Nicky? Nicky was the truffle.

  9. I knew it was you, puffball. You broke my toadstool.

  10. You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m mildewy how, I mean mildewly like I’m yeast? I leaven you? I make you rise I’m here to fuckin’ puff you?

  11. Made it, Ma! Bottom of the forest.

  12. Do we have ourselves an understanding? I shade your stem; you shade mine.

  13. “Toadstool may have moved slow, but it was only because Toadstool didn’t have to move for anybody.”

  14. I never fucked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my cap and my stem and I don’t break them for no one. Do you understand? That piece of shit up there, I never liked him, I never trusted him: too leafy. For all I know he had me set up and had my friend Portobello dried. But that’s history. I’m here, he’s not. Do you wanna go on with me, you say it. You don’t, then you leaven up.

  15. You need shrooms like me. So you can point your finger and say that’s the fun guy.

  16. On my bark, where my mycelium root, where my yeast come to play with their toys?!

  17. You know, we always called each other goodfellas. Like, you’d say to somebody: “You’re gonna like this guy; he’s all right. He’s a goodfella. He’s one of us.”

  18. You know, we always called each other fungi. Like, you’d say to somebody: “You’re gonna like this guy; he’s all right. He’s a fun guy. He’s one of us.”

  19. First you get the lack of ventilation. Then you get the moisture. Then you get the women.

  20. “There are only shrooms in this room! Michael! Open your eyes! This is the shade we chose, the moisture we need. And there is only one guarantee: none of us will survive dry heat.”

  21. “Listen, Little Buttom Top, in this business there’s only one law you gotta follow to keep out of trouble: Grow fast, grow in the shade, and keep on growing.”

  22. “Well make more fuckin’ spores. This is America. You don’t make spores, you make photosynthesis, then you’re a fuckin’ douchebag.”

  23. “Okay. Now yous can’t leave… We don’t need no freakin’ sun. We’re below all that.”

  24. “Our true enemies have yet to bloom, those deciduous bastards.”

  25. “Only don’t tell me you’re deciduous. Because it insults my intelligence and makes me very yeasty.”

  26. “I want this stool dried! I want his family sauteed! I want his stem flicked from the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and dry the piss from his spores!”

  27. “You think you’re growin’ big time? You’re gonna mushroom, BIG TIME! OK! Here comes da rain!”

  28. “In this day and age, what the fuck is this world coming to? I can’t believe this, prejudice against – a Puffball broad – prejudice against Portobello.”

  29. “Why don’t you try sticking your cap up your stem, and see if it fits.”

  30. “….It means Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fungi.”

  31. Thus concludes Gangstershroom. I once had a job, I hope I still do after all this.

  32. Words cannot express.

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